Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Hey Dad

Hey Dad,

     You need to chill out, because right now you're giving off the vibe of a terrible person. I can't listen to anything you say, because ten minutes later you're blatantly ignoring what you just said or shit-talking everyone that does not share your "perfect" image, and as it turns out, my love for the family is larger than my love for you, so when you talk about "how fucking selfish" we all are, that's a personal insult. For one thing, you're near-OCD makes you organize everything in a way that it's not actually usable. Then when someone, I dunno, uses said item, and puts it back in a convenient place, you go on a 30 minute rant about how nobody in the house cares for anyone else, and how we're all so selfish and "pieces of shit". Dad, no one in the house cares about how the mustard shelf is organized, and we would find the baloney if you just left it alone. You demanding that everyone who isn't perfect like you spend their time just to please you isn't us being selfish, it's you.
     I can't count how many times that I've heard you say that it's not your job to pass judgement on people, and that judging people is wrong. But hey, coming downstairs everyday to hear you yelling about how much mom is a "selfish bitch" really helps me value your opinion, and complaining about how everyone else you have to deal with so obscenely ignorant that they shouldn't be able to tie their shoes makes you seem the bigger man. Yep, going and criticizing everyone around you, including me, sure helps build my respect for you, no question there.

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